Friday, March 25, 2011

and the results are in...

I have to snap out of this. My follow up to my doctor's visit was yesterday and my bloodwork revealed that everything appears normal. Hmmmm....I guess that rules out a medical reason for my extreme weight gain, fatigue, lack of ambition, and irritibility.

I believe that for the first time in my life I have been suffering from a bit of depression. We had an amazing dream family vacation in December. It was a gift from my parents. While visiting the happiest place on earth I was compared to the energizer bunny. If a park opened early I was there, if another one closed late we headed there, too. Almost every night, I fell sound asleep in the bathtub at our resort. But every morning we were back at it. We had an incredible time but I came home exhausted. With one weekend between me and Christmas I found it incredibly difficult to fit in all the baking I normally do each year. I only made 5 types of cookies instead of the usual 10-12. No caramel corn was made this year. Just the bare minimum of cheesecakes and carrot cakes were baked. I did not get my Christmas jam done until 2 days after Christmas. And, unless I saw you in person or you are my friend on FB you got no christmas card or photos in fact my annual Christmas letter is still half written. Reflecting back I see exactly how tired I was. January arrived and it was cold and dreary. We got tons of snow which made my husband happy. He is in charge of snow removal for the factory he works at. He actually gets so excited that he can't sleep when they are predicitng snow. This makes me crazy because if it does snow he has to be at his workplace by 3 AM so I worry about his health. It seemed to me that it was an exceptionally sunless January (I have looked for data to confirm this but have not been able to find anything.) I found myself falling back asleep in front of my fireplace after I put the kids on the bus almost daily. This is something that I probably only did a handful of times in the 8 years I've had any kids in school. It continued to be cold in February and my trend continued. Blah! That is how I felt. I am still tired all of the time!!! I believe my exhaustion segwayed into depression. I am making no excuses but through reflection I believe I can move forward. I have a feeling God wanted me to slow down a bit but also to teach me empathy for people suffering from depression. I am going to go back to words of wisdom that can be helpful in all of life's situations. I am going to get on my face and pray, read the Word of God and turn on the worship music. I choose to be joyful and overcome.

Day 2 of diet, I accidentally took a bite of toast as I was making it for my daughter this morning but I am about to sit down with a lovely salad. :)

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