Thursday, February 23, 2012


I feel like accountability is perhaps what is lacking.  When I am given an assignment at work - I wouldn't think of just ignoring it.  I am accountable for delivering.  So - when it is only me that I am accountable to - somehow that is not enough.  I must be a nice person.

As for losing weight:  I need sleep (I have been doing MUCH better on this - aside from the occasional night I just can't sleep), I need to be taking my vitamins (I just started up on that again this week), I need to exercise (I have been doing this as well - small bursts... 20 minute Firm Express as well as running up and down the stairs at work - aiming for 30 flights of stairs a day, hoping to ultimately make it to 50).

I fear I am focusing so much on this ONE aspect... and losing the rest while failing here.  BALANCE...

You must be who I am accountable to... keep me in line....


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Question I Intend to Answer Is...

If I know that a certain way of behaving and thinking does not provide me with a life in which I thrive... and if I know that certain changes would provide me a more full life... why is that change so hard?

I haven't lost weight.

I haven't done much of anything to create the life I want.

I want to publish a book.  I want to work in television.

But I am busy.  Busy existing in this world void of all the blessings I could realize.  And I am not sure why... but in my experiment... in this maze I put myself in... I am the rat.... and I am my own scientist.  Trying to figure out why.  What is the key.  Is it desire?  I think I have desire... Or do I?

So many of us are here... why can't we get out.  We know better.  We want better... or do we?

I am going to answer this... someday.... when I am thriving.