Friday, October 28, 2011

WHO I AM

I said from the beginning that part of the purpose of this blog would be for me to find the way.  To figure out how to get out of the rut and start thriving.

I found a piece yesterday.  I was talking with a co-worker.  A woman, who like so many, was a single mom for years raising three kids.  She was headed out on a trip and as we talked I realized a key to thriving.  It is knowing who we are.  What I can tell you I have learned from that is who we are BEFORE we started just surviving and who we are AFTER when we are trying to thrive are not the same person.  Our experiences in life change us.  It is a constant discovery to know who we are.  What we stand for.  What we like.

I remember when I started to really feel that.  I am grateful I noticed it early on and that I craved to figure it out.  There are some who go years and their identity is 100% survival.  But, what I do know is that as I started to discover it - there was a new light in me - because I would take time to go see a musical and do other things that brought me joy. 

When I was in my discover mode and I would think about Who I Am... I would play this song, and turn the radio up and SING IT!!

Who I Am  by:  Jessica Andrews
If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
'Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

So when I make big mistake
When I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowin'
I will be just fine
'Cause nothin' changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser, I'm a winner
I'm am steady and unstable
I am young but I'm able

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

IS THIS THRIVING?

I have come to realize, that no matter what, if you want to feel like you are thriving.... you can't take yourself too seriously.

I stopped by the Social Security office a couple days ago so I could request a new card with my new married name.  I went in, completed my business and then went to quickly leave so I could make it home for a quick bite to eat.  As I exited the office I looked down at my folder I was carrying containing my list of things to do.  The doors as you exit the office are automatic... but I failed to take into account my pace with the speed of the opening doors.  The whole right side of my body slammed into the slowly opening door.  It hurt.  I hobbled to my car.  When I got in my car I took a deep breath and attempted to move all the body parts I had just smashed to ensure they were all still working.  As I sat there I looked up and noticed the security guard from the Social Security office shaking her head as she attempted to put the door I ran into back on its tracks.  oops.

Yesterday during my lunch break (yes! lunch break... I am back to work... at least for a little while) I stopped at WalMart to pick up my contacts.  I have been out of contacts for months now.  I really hate wearing my glasses, so I have no idea what has taken me so long to order my contacts, except that the eye drops I take for my eye pressure don't seem to mix well with contacts.... at least any contact I have worn longer than eight hours.  So, I did what makes sense and went with daily contacts. I went to WalMart last week and ordered a year supply - a deal that seemed the best considering the rebate and lower cost per box with such a move.

As I walked swiftly into the store and headed for the eye center, I hit a slippery patch on the floor and my right foot slid way ahead of me and my left foot rolled onto its side.  As my left foot rolled, my shoe came off and the rest of my body lunged forward in an attempt to keep up with my sliding right foot.  By the time I stopped stumbling and got back on my two feet, I had to walk back ten feet to find my lost shoe.  I am certain all who were watching enjoyed the short comedy show as they stood in line to check out. 

I arrived at the vision center and went through all the steps for them to look me up and find my order.  The gentleman then got up and walked over to the closet and returned with a very large box.  I had not given much thought to what a year supply of daily contacts looks like... but, it is a big box.  I am certain it was in an effort to make the bulky box easier to carry that he placed the box in a standard size plastic bag.  I am not sure that simplified anything as the box stuck out of the bag so much it was difficult to hold both handles of the bag.

I took my bulky bag and headed for my car in the parking lot.  I had made it just out of the building and halfway across the lane of traffic when the bag ripped a little causing me to loose my grip.  The box tumbled out of the bag, landing no other way then upside down, knocking the lid open and causing the boxes of contact lenses to scatter across the black top.

Really, I will never thrive if I take myself too seriously!

And I don't think I will every thrive if I don't stop eating candy.... I gotta loose this weight!  But I also think I need to learn how to thrive despite the fact that things are not perfect in my world.  If it takes perfection in all areas of my life... I will never thrive for long, because that is just not realistic.

Here's to thriving!  Make it a great day!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

TEN

This last weekend I was careful to spend some fun time with the kids.  I also had a good spiritual weekend.  I have been working hard at creating order in the home... the long long process of blending our families and our homes.....

But... where S.M has lost 30 pounds... I have gained 10.  Ten!! I just can't believe it.  It is 10 since I started this blog.  Which there was a time that I gained 10 before that and 10 before that.  When does it stop? When do I stop gaining 10 pounds and go back to who I used to be.  I still see myself as the thinner me.  I want to be that again. 

So, as I strive the thrive... I make strides in areas but suffer in other.  Why does it have to be that way?  why can't I get it all in balance.

I am happy for the little steps though.  I just want some more balance.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Work Work Work...

I have been unemployed for over nine months... I have relished this time, but lately have really felt that it is time to go back to work. I have been applying for positions all along - but haven't heard anything from anyone.. almost.  There have been a couple that I have maintained contact with, but that is it, just contact - no job.

Last week that all started to change.  I moved through an interview process with a particular job and was given a job offer.  My reaction was to accept it.  Isn't that what you do?  Accept jobs when you don't have one?  So, I did.  After I did I had this horrible cloud around me that I couldn't seem to shake.  I was so emotional about it and seemed to be having my own personal pitty party.  I couldn't put my finger on the "why".  Was it the fact that I found the guy I would be an assistant to to be a bit annoying and rubbed me the wrong way?  Was it the lack of career in this position?  Was it the pay?  I didn't know... but I just knew it felt awful.

I finally was able to spend some time talking to my hubby about it and we did conclude that financially there was not a lot of benefit to the position. In fact I realized that I could cut the pay rate in half and have a position with benefits and the financial gain would be better.

So, I asked for more money... they turned me down and I declined the position.  I felt a huge relief.

I need to work... but I need to find work that I can thrive in.  This experience has given me a boost there.  I am less financially motivated and more motivated to finding something fun, or in a good environment... (with benefits of course).

If I could start my own business what would it be?

Monday, October 10, 2011

I WON'T EVEN TRY TO CATCH YOU UP

So very much has happened... I have married.  :)  A true blessing in my life... but it adds to my challenge of everyday thriving.  I have SIX kiddos around now... my three plus three part-time.  I am not their mom.  I am their dad's support.  They have a mom. A good mom.  Blending is a huge challenge because we are the same and we are different.

And the reality of it is... none of us are used to it... and not being used to things is sometimes hard!

Today... I have three here.  School is off.  The house needs attention. The husband is sick. I had a small procedure on my neck.   The weather is beautiful and I just need to be a mom for a little while.

I am back. And I plan to be back almost every day!  I need to thrive.  I am in some ways... I want to in all.