Not sure if this can actually happen within the context of my life... I would love to share every moment of what has been keeping me busy these days...but there is not enough time. I do want to share that I have lost over 30 pounds since this journey has begun and am run/walking and/or riding my bike almost every day. I have been made a permanent employee at the school I was subbing at, and even had the circular driveway I had dreamed of put in my front yard this year. I am thriving in many areas of my life. Where are my shortfalls lately? Definitely in my relationship with the Lord.... the engine blew up in my van back in June which made us a family without a vehicle that could fit all of us at once. This became a convenient excuse not to make it up to our church (which is about 40 minutes away) regularly. I know you don't have to go to a church service to worship but it really helps me stay connected. My worship time has consisted of YouTube Praise and Worship sessions posted to my FB on occasional Sunday mornings. I love the Lord but long for intimacy that is currently lacking. I am reminded of the fact that He does not change,so I know what I need to do.
So bottom line for now is this: I am thriving in many areas, lacking in the spiritual side and finding myself too busy to blog about any of it. The truth is at this point, I have absolutely no idea how to thrive and still have time to blog about it.
By the way...KJ has some serious explaining/catching up to do right here!!!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
I didn't have much to say...
So, my life really has been on an upswing. As I was telling KJ how awesome everything in my life has been going the other day she asked me, "So,are you thriving?". Hmmm,am I thriving?I was afraid to commit. While everything had been going quite well, my health, my job, the kids, relationship with the Lord,I knew there was still a little bit out of balance. Currently that is the relationship with my husband. He seems to be preoccupied at the least. Although we had an enjoyable Mother's Day with our girls and some friends at church and then after,my husband and I could not seem to communicate in any way that was positive. Anyway,it makes me wonder...is there ever a time this side of heaven that we will indeed thrive in all areas of our life or not?
Why is it that when all was good I didn't have much to say? Now,as things are a little tougher I take the time to do so.
Down just mere ounces under 24 pounds.
Why is it that when all was good I didn't have much to say? Now,as things are a little tougher I take the time to do so.
Down just mere ounces under 24 pounds.
Friday, April 29, 2011
LOVE AND RESPONSIBILITY
Love and Responsibility is the title of chapter 12 of Dr. Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers.The chapter highlights a few principles on responsibility.
My son had a bit of a breakdown last night... we had a fight the other night as he was up at 11pm looking for a phone charger. I repeatedly requested that he go to his room and be quiet. It was late.. he had school the next day, and we all pay the price when he wanders the house all night. He persisted and refused to go to bed. It was creating a stir and I informed him that if he did not have a cell phone he would not have a problem - so perhaps the best solution is for him to not have the phone... as you can predict, I am sure, I turned off the phone. As the evening progressed to after midnight more events transpired and he also lost his ipad (a toy he saved long for).
Quite frankly, I think these two things pushed him over the edge. He is feeling tremendous pressure at school as he is failing his four main classes. This is as a result of him putting forth a lack of effort since September. Intellectually he does not struggle.
Last night he laid it all out to me... how horrible his life is. He went into some detail about all the things that are bothering him. He told me very simply that I was crazy to think he had the responsibility to get good grades. He felt that should be optional and should not hold up the rest of his life.
From my reading I was armed and prepared with the eloquent statement that every freedom in life is tied to a responsibility. He complained he had nothing. Only a bed and clothing. I reminded him he also had heat, food and shelter... things he should be grateful for as he may someday not experience those luxuries.. and they are indeed blessings. I talked to him about the enormous amount of 'stuff' in our home. The couch he was sitting on, the TV, the dishes, the silverware... everything we had provided us with a feeling of freedom. But, EACH of those items was obtained as a result of responsibility by either me or his father. Without being responsible, we could not have obtained these things.
I felt like over all the evening was handled well - I didn't flip out or say anything negative when he insisted he should not be accountable for school, home or church stuff. I just listened. I made sure I understood and I invited him to dinner tonight with me and my significant other. I asked him to give some thought as to what he felt his responsibilities should be. He is older now. 16. He should be entrusted with more responsibility than a two year old or ten year old. As we age our responsibility increases into adulthood. I sent him to bed with some words of affirmation.
I woke up this morning feeling grateful. A situation / conversation that could have driven a wedge... I hope has started to create understanding.
We'll see how dinner goes tonight.
- Responsibility require boundaries
- Your teenager needs to be a part of forming rules and setting consequences
- The process of independence and responsibility must be lubricated with love
- Rules that existed when your teen was a child cannot be arbitrarily carried into the teenage years
- Rules about rules:
- Have as few as possible
- Make them clear
- They need to be fair
- Rules without consequences are less than worthless; they are confusing
- Consequences should be determined before a violation
- Consequences mush be administered with love
- They must be consistent
- Rules should exist in the following areas
- Household opportunities (he says opportunities sounds more positive than duties - reminds me of my friend Kate)
- Schoolwork
- Use of Automobiles
- Money Management
- Dating
- Alcohol and Drugs
My son had a bit of a breakdown last night... we had a fight the other night as he was up at 11pm looking for a phone charger. I repeatedly requested that he go to his room and be quiet. It was late.. he had school the next day, and we all pay the price when he wanders the house all night. He persisted and refused to go to bed. It was creating a stir and I informed him that if he did not have a cell phone he would not have a problem - so perhaps the best solution is for him to not have the phone... as you can predict, I am sure, I turned off the phone. As the evening progressed to after midnight more events transpired and he also lost his ipad (a toy he saved long for).
Quite frankly, I think these two things pushed him over the edge. He is feeling tremendous pressure at school as he is failing his four main classes. This is as a result of him putting forth a lack of effort since September. Intellectually he does not struggle.
Last night he laid it all out to me... how horrible his life is. He went into some detail about all the things that are bothering him. He told me very simply that I was crazy to think he had the responsibility to get good grades. He felt that should be optional and should not hold up the rest of his life.
From my reading I was armed and prepared with the eloquent statement that every freedom in life is tied to a responsibility. He complained he had nothing. Only a bed and clothing. I reminded him he also had heat, food and shelter... things he should be grateful for as he may someday not experience those luxuries.. and they are indeed blessings. I talked to him about the enormous amount of 'stuff' in our home. The couch he was sitting on, the TV, the dishes, the silverware... everything we had provided us with a feeling of freedom. But, EACH of those items was obtained as a result of responsibility by either me or his father. Without being responsible, we could not have obtained these things.
I felt like over all the evening was handled well - I didn't flip out or say anything negative when he insisted he should not be accountable for school, home or church stuff. I just listened. I made sure I understood and I invited him to dinner tonight with me and my significant other. I asked him to give some thought as to what he felt his responsibilities should be. He is older now. 16. He should be entrusted with more responsibility than a two year old or ten year old. As we age our responsibility increases into adulthood. I sent him to bed with some words of affirmation.
I woke up this morning feeling grateful. A situation / conversation that could have driven a wedge... I hope has started to create understanding.
We'll see how dinner goes tonight.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
put on that smile!!!
I'm looking forward to reading more about KJ's revelations on raising children. I may even get to borrow the book she read if we bump into one another. I do have to say that as my mood has improved my relationship with my eldest daughter has improved as well. So much of what we have to deal with is better handled with a smile. I am thankful to be choosing joy daily and it is showing to all those around me.
Ta Ta for now.
19 pounds down. :)
I ate a turkey sandwich on rye with a little mayo yesterday. Divine!!!!!
Ta Ta for now.
19 pounds down. :)
I ate a turkey sandwich on rye with a little mayo yesterday. Divine!!!!!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
PARENTING
I spent a lot of time lounging by the pool while I was on vacation... and some of that time was spent reading "The Five Love Languages of Teenagers". I know very clearly as a mother that when my oldest son is acting out, what he really needs is to feel loved. I am also a believer that we all feel loved in different ways - the theory behind The Five Love Languages.
It was a very insightful read. I have come away with a realization that in order to thrive as a parent, I have a lot of work to do. First on that order of business is to determine individually for each of my children, how they feel love. There are five "languages" that Dr. Chapman talks about in his book.
#1 - Words of Affirmation
#2 - Physical Touch
#3 - Quality Time
#4 - Acts of Service
#5 - Gifts
Although is is important to express our love in all of these ways - one of these will be the primary way in which our child feels loved.
When the kids were younger I had read "The Five Love Languages of Children". I will say that will all my 'surviving' I did not do a very good job at loving them effectively. One of the most important take-aways I have from this last book is to realize that even if I thought I had figured out how to love them before, it all changes once they are teenagers.
Once I get passed step one... I need to learn about how to deal with my anger, my kids anger, teaching independence and responsibility, effectively loving them when they fail and the special challenges associated with Single Parenting.
It will be a process... but a process worth enduring, as I strive to THRIVE!!
It was a very insightful read. I have come away with a realization that in order to thrive as a parent, I have a lot of work to do. First on that order of business is to determine individually for each of my children, how they feel love. There are five "languages" that Dr. Chapman talks about in his book.
#1 - Words of Affirmation
#2 - Physical Touch
#3 - Quality Time
#4 - Acts of Service
#5 - Gifts
Although is is important to express our love in all of these ways - one of these will be the primary way in which our child feels loved.
When the kids were younger I had read "The Five Love Languages of Children". I will say that will all my 'surviving' I did not do a very good job at loving them effectively. One of the most important take-aways I have from this last book is to realize that even if I thought I had figured out how to love them before, it all changes once they are teenagers.
Once I get passed step one... I need to learn about how to deal with my anger, my kids anger, teaching independence and responsibility, effectively loving them when they fail and the special challenges associated with Single Parenting.
It will be a process... but a process worth enduring, as I strive to THRIVE!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
I'M BACK
Lesson One in Thriving... it is hard when you are busy.
Although I can not say I have been too busy the last ten days - just unconnected. I was on vacation and turned off all electronics for the duration. It was great.
For more info on my 'unconnectedness' it is probably easier if you read it here (www.diaryofawidow) rather than me re-write it here.
I have lots to share on Thriving though... that is one thing I worked on a lot. For now I wanted to poke in and say hi. I am back on the diet. Excited to lose weight. And have a lot of "to-do's" for thriving as a mom that I will share with you through the week.
Although I can not say I have been too busy the last ten days - just unconnected. I was on vacation and turned off all electronics for the duration. It was great.
For more info on my 'unconnectedness' it is probably easier if you read it here (www.diaryofawidow) rather than me re-write it here.
I have lots to share on Thriving though... that is one thing I worked on a lot. For now I wanted to poke in and say hi. I am back on the diet. Excited to lose weight. And have a lot of "to-do's" for thriving as a mom that I will share with you through the week.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Hosanna!
It is Holy Week for Christians around the world. This past Sunday was Palm Sunday and at my church like many we were handed palms as we walked through the doors. As I worshiped with hands holding palms raised in the air I so felt the presence of the Lord. It was as though He were riding past me on the donkey in His triumphant entrance. Wow! This is at the very least is the way to start Holy week. But even more than that, His presence should be felt like that quite often in our lives, like always! I reflect on my life and the many mistakes I have made along the way and remember that without Jesus to reconcile all things heaven would not be an option for me. I could not make it there without Him. I have a grateful heart. I am so thankful for the plan that allows a sinner like me to repent and turn from my evil ways and be made new. So, as Easter approaches I just am reminding those around me that heaven is real, and there is NO other way to get there except by the blood of Jesus Christ. Hosanna!! Happy Easter!
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