Do You See What You Have Done?

I think watching S.M. jump in and take action was just what I needed.  I enrolled in the Winter semester at the local college, then enrolled full-time in the Spring semester.  I am just about done.  I will have a week off - then it will be back to school over the summer.

My thoughts I have had lately on thriving is that it is just a matter of doing.

I have been so incredibly busy trying to go to school and work and kids and ALL.  But, if I had nothing to do - would it be thriving?  No.  Thriving is a matter of movement.  It indicates I am doing things I want to do or making steps towards something.

The funny thing is, I have determined that thriving does not always FEEL like thriving.  Sometimes it just feels like life is busy and getting by me. But, it is the very things that make me busy that also contribute to thriving.

Sometimes I look back over the past five years and I just can't believe all that has happened - but then I realize that all that has happened is good.  Those experiences and memories contribute in positive ways to who I have become.  And thriving is all about becoming not just the person I want to become but becoming who my Father in Heaven wants me to be.

Sometimes you just have to step back and look objectively at your path you're making and realize all you have touched and all you have done has molded you and blessed others.  You ARE thriving, you just had to take a moment to realize it.

My New Skill to Enhance My Will

I really do feel like I am learning.  If I could remove the dates posts from this blog - it would maybe offer more hope because it would appear that I have learned a little quicker than what the reality is - but I guess that is life sometimes.

When we are busy - there is only so much time to learn new skills!  So, they come slowly.  But - hopefully as a result of my work - you can shortcut there.

This week I have exercised a new skill.  I have really struggled losing weight and have felt like I just did not have the will power to make it happen.  And yet, I have exercised will power and stuck to multiple programs to no avail.  This week I have realized that I need to not just stick to some program that is out there, but take what I know about me and begin to customize a plan to help me succeed.

I have started with how I am keeping myself moving and looking for the right solution.  When I feel discouraged and feel that just like every other time - nothing is changing this time, so why exert the effort - I think ahead.  Who do I want to be?  I think of me in just a few years with a body that is falling apart and in pain (something I feel is already beginning).  A reality I paint for myself that is a result of carrying extra weight and me not working to find a solution.

I am on day 5 of doing it and doing it right.  I am keeping focused, pushing through.

I will celebrate in some little way once I reach day 7.  :)

Keep Thriving!
~K.J.

Proud of S.M.

This is just a shout out to S.M

I love her.

I am proud of her.

She has enrolled in school full-time (you should know she also has a job and four kids).  In one-year her degree will be done and she will be able to have some more doors opened.

She is such a creative, smart and passionate person - her value far exceeds what her current situation has her contributing and receiving.

I am SOO excited for her.  She is capable of great things and I think making this decision to make this happen is definitely a sign that she is thriving.  I am certain the next year will FEEL like just surviving - but all I see is thriving!

Keep Thriving!

~K.J.

Is Will A Skill?

I would eat the marshmallow.  Then justify it by telling myself that I don't need two anyway, so I am actually doing myself a favor.

The good news?  We CAN learn NEW SKILLS that will help us!

Just a positive thought for the day!

Thrive!

~K.J.

Crucial Moments

Sometimes when I think about all that I want to know and be - I am overwhelmed at how much I have to learn.

So I read.

One of the books I have been reading lately is Influencer by Joseph Greeny, Kerry Patterson, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler.

Today I read this and thought it had EVERYTHING to do with the journey of thriving and how to get there.

"Think through the crucial moments when your vital behaviors are most at risk.  Remember, these crucial moments are the time, places, people, moods, and circumstances when you are most likely to fail.  Find a way to buddy up for protection in these few crucial moments."

That is the spirit of this blog.  S.M. and I buddy up for protection and for support in discovering the path.

One more quote from that chapter... "Since you're on the wrong side of your eyeballs, you can't always see exactly what it is that you're doing that works or doesn't work."

Do we seek feedback often enough?  REAL feedback.  Not, you're my friend so make me feel better feedback - but you're my friend so tell me the truth kind of feedback.

Thrive Today,

K.J.

This is Like the Journal That I "Re-Start" Every Several Months

This blog has been on my mind a lot lately.  It is a project… a project of discovery that I started years ago.  It was meant to be a quest to discovery. I was determined that if I journal the process, I would find the path that leads from surviving to thriving.  However, years have passed and ‘reasons’ I may have once sensed were the obstacles to my thriving have changed.

Perhaps I thought that if I lost 20 pounds, I would be suited to thrive more in my life – but if that was true, than now I need to lose 40.  If I felt it was my job, now I can say that is one significant step in the right direction, but it didn’t ‘fix’ everything.  I no longer feel that the answer lies in eliminating the trials of life.  That is not realistic.  Thriving cannot be simply a life void of trials.  Thriving is a life full of trials wherein we experience joy.

Staying true to some of my original thoughts I do think that sometimes life just hits us hard and that hit may de-rail us and we cannot simply just return to the tracks. It is almost as if new tracks are required and in the process of searching for those new tracks – we get lost off the tracks.

Marriage, children, job and even we may not be perfect but we must find a way to discover a way of life and a pattern of thought within the day-to-day surviving that allows us to thrive.  Today (this is a quest for discovery – we’ll see if my views of today turn out to be valid) I feel that there are two main elements involved in thriving.  1.  Aligning our will with God’s for our life.  2. Setting goals and making strides towards becoming all you can be and all that God wants you to be.

When we find ourselves ‘kicking against the pricks’ we are certainly not headed in a direction of feeling like we are thriving.  And when we press forward in life with a stubborn attitude of thinking we have it all figured out and will take out whomever and whatever is necessary to get what we want, again, it is only common sense that tells me that will not lead to long-term happiness.

I know that God can do great things with us and as I reflect on life and on all He has done with me, I recognize my times of greatest happiness came from times when I was acting on impressions of the Spirit and aligning my life to His will for me.

How does this translate to action:  Well – I don’t think God’s greatest concern for me in life is that I am a size 6.  I do however feel that He wants me to be healthy – as I can do more good for Him when my body is in a condition to do that good.  So, I need to focus my goals to being items that I feel led to accomplish.  I really think that as I put my focus and effort in areas where the Lord would have me, perhaps I’ll wake up one day and find that the joy I feel from being on His path has given me more energy and I’ll naturally become a size 10, then 8 and maybe even someday 6.  But even if I don’t I will have found that size 6 was not the source of joy.

My areas of concern these days are all around being a better wife, mother, servant of God and prioritizing my own personal development.

How do I act on all of that?  Read, study and pray.  Then act on what I feel for each day.

Off to Thrive ~
K.J.

What Is The Purpose?

This blog was supposed to be about HOW to get there.  How to snap out of the phase of life where all I am doing is surviving and get to a point where I am thriving.  It has to be possible.  I have that hope.  It would be a sad state of life if once you were in a survival mode you never left it!  But, the question that remains is HOW.  How do you get there?

This blog may look like a fail... it has been years in the making - but that is also the purpose.  The blog was so I could capture the journey and be able to look back and understand how I got there (once I get there that is).  Because if I can understand it better, than I HOPE to help others find their way.

Here is my new start... my new attempt and making this a reality.  Goals.  Yep.  Had them before and failed at them before.  But, I am tired of saying I am trying.  I am not going to try.  I WILL press forward.  I suppose it takes a different state.  Perhaps a state of desperation?  I don't know.  I have thought I was there before, only to find I wasn't ready to stop trying and just do it.  But I don't know that I understand why that is yet.

Here are my goals... Declared publicly!

#1 - We sold our house and I have some serious work to do.  I want this move to be orderly and not chaos.  So, my first goal is to work consistently at packing to be competed with packing the house by the end of September.  I did three boxes last night.  I have a hundred more to do, but I made progress.

#2 - Weight.  Ugh!  It is so ridiculous.  But today I told myself if I can't make this a reality - how do I expect to reach ANY goals.  This is doable... I just have to WORK HARD!  I want to loose 40lbs by Jan 31, 2015.  I plan to keep a food journal and keep my calories at 1200/day.  And I have the FIRM Express videos.  They are 20 min great workouts.  I have to find 20 minutes.  No excuses.  So - 6 days a week.  3 days a week I will do 2 videos.

#3 Finish My Book. Diary of a Widow.  I am going to work on it one full night a month.  While I am traveling on business.  Perfect opportunity to dig in.

#4 Family Book.  I hate that I am not doing any photo journaling.  So, my goal is to do 2 this year.  One on my mother-in-law's life and one on our family.  Both to be complete by Christmas.  I will spend 2 hours on 2 Sunday's a month.  I hope that is sufficient time to complete.

#5 Career.  I have until mid-December to collect all the information I need to chart a course towards completing my degree.

So - here it is.  Declared publicly.  The question is will you hear from me again anytime soon?  Always the question.  :)

Off to Thrive!

~K.J.

Victory in Thriving

I used to be fun.. and want to be fun again.  So, I must celebrate the progress.

Monday - Labor Day.

We went to a local Ski Resort to take advantage of their Summer Fun.  Ropes courses.  High in the trees.  It was hard. I survived.. and maybe even thrived a little.  :)

We were STARVING when we were done so went to the on-site snack shack.  As we sat eating, Billy Joel's Piano Man came on the radio.  I sang.  (you should know that is not a pretty sound)  Then, I sang louder.  Then, I stood up on the fireplace hearth and did a little karaoke type display.  Very loudly.

I thought the kids would die of embarrassment.  Everyone survived.  And I felt that I had thrived. Even if just for a moment.

I feel like I have been so blessed with a job that is perfect for me.  I really do enjoy it.  Sure there are things that are a little less fun to do - but over all I enjoy what I do... and I think I do it well.

I am almost two years in to blending our family of six kids.  It has it's challenging days - but I love our family.  It works.

I love my husband.  He is a gift. And the only thing that gets in the way of me feeling that is my own pride.

Thriving... is about Gratitude.  That much I have learned.

Surviving a Tri

I am now 40 and I survived a triathlon last weekend, well actually it was a try-a-tri, a beginner's event. It was a bucket list item for me. I asked a friend if she would like to do it with me back in March and since we thought we had plenty of time to get ready, so we went ahead and registered. As you might remember I lost about 40 pounds over the last a year or so and getting healthier has been part of my journey toward thriving. 4 months seemed a perfectly reasonable amount of time to train for this event. Of course getting sick, running children to various activities, work, other obligations, etc. really played a role in derailing my planned daily training but I plugged along. My partner, KC and I rode our bicycles together weekly, got together to swim a couple of times, ran together once or twice, and worked out on our own. She did convince me to do a 5K the week before the event which I ran half of and walked half of. It was a great experience. Harder than I thought, extremely emotional crossing the finish line, and great to prepare me a bit for the next week. KC is a goal oriented girl. She keeps track of her time, creates training schedules for us, and pushes herself. I am still much more of a free spirit. I want to be disciplined but it just is so foreign to me. When push comes to shove and the work out gets tough I give up. I don't have a high drive for success. I am of the philosophy that trying is really winning. So, for the 5K my goal was not to be last. I met my goal. I was about 20 from last. For the triathlon my goal was really just to finish it. I was worried about the swimming. I found that I was not as strong of a swimmer as I thought during this process. The biking was not a worry factor at all. KC and I had ridden the route and found it easier than what we had been riding at home. The run, well it was only a 3K so I knew I would be able to run part and walk part. The scariest part was wondering what it would be like? Would we be completely out of our element. There were over 600 other athletes registered for the various races of the day. The final week before our tri I decided to just add a little to my running each day. The 5K taught me that it was going to be even harder than I had thought. We rode one morning, and I swam at the beach one afternoon. I took the Friday before off from any work out as I waitress Friday nights and that is a workout in itself. I asked to be the first to go home so that I could get a decent night's sleep to prepare for the big day. Well, we were slammed at work. Instead of getting out by 8 as hoped or 9:30 as usual, I got home at 11:30 PM. I was absolutely whipped and my legs just ached. I forced myself to sleep and woke up ahead of my alarm. When I am nervous, I develop tummy issues, so I was up and down from bed to the bathroom for a good half an hour before I actually got up. I was nervous. I had packed all my necessary items in the days before and started to realize that the anticipation I was feeling was very near to being on the way to the hospital to have your 2nd baby. I knew it was going to physically hurt, I knew it would not last forever, and I knew that in the end I would feel great about what had just happened. KC arrived to pick me up by 6:30 and we were on our way to the state park that was hosting the event, just a few miles away. As we approached the park's entrance we couldn't help but notice the steady stream of vehicles pulling in. As we got closer to the parking and staging areas we were overwhelmed. Athletes, real athletes, like with muscles and really good bikes were all around us. We began to panic and feel like real country bumpkin moms with both our lack of experience and mountain bikes (aka fat tires) by our sides. We got out, grabbed our supplies, and pushed our bikes and helmets to the registration area. We got assigned out numbers, picked up our swim caps and decided to stop and check out the swim course. Some of the buoys were already set up and the swim looked much harder than what we had prepared for. We took pictures of each other and went to get our bikes into the transition area. The transition area was incredible. Nice neat rows of bikes, assigned to numbers in each rack. a special section for our fat tire bikes right near the bike out exit. We set up our items, I ran and grabbed my water bottles that I left in the car and KC listened to all of the instructions. Next it was time for the first races to get going. We walked over to the beach to watch the first waves of racers begin. We were swimming a mere 200m in comparison to their 1.5K and 750M swims. It was quite amazing watching the first athletes come running out of the water after their 1.5. I am sure the only way I could have come out of the water in a 1.5 is in a body bag. The 750 might have taken me a few hours with lots of floating and treading water time. :) KC waded in the water to get ready and we took a moment and prayed on the beach. We thanked God for the opportunity for the growth in our friendship, and professed that "we could do all things through Christ who strengthens us". When it was our turn KC's wave was just ahead of mine so I watcher her go in. Next was the 40+ women and we waded in and waited for the horn. The water was shallow so much so that most people ran it. I forced myself to swim part but it was hard as my arms literally reached the bottom. When I got to the end of the course and managed to stumble over all the rocks and shale I was amazed that I actually had the energy to partialy run up the incline to the transition area. I ran to my bike debating on whether I needed to rinse my feet or not. I must have decided yes because I do remember pouring the water bottle out. A quick dry down and threw shirt, shorts, and sneakers on. Buckled my helmet and pushed my bike out to the start. I was off! The bike ride was a fairly easy route, mostly flat with one hill and a couple of long but slight inclines. I was on my own, most of the ride, but there were sections where we were on the same course as the bigger events. Those were really exciting parts as theses cyclist came whipping past on their amazing machines. "On the left" is something I heard often and not just on the merged course. I had a much tougher time than I would have thought. I almost felt like I was stuck in slow motion and I was tired, oh and hot, it was a humid 80+ degree day. I borrowed my daughters sports bottle for the new bottle holder my husband had installed on my bike and never realized til later that there was a straw insert and that is why the water wasn't flowing freely. When I reached halfway I was relieved as I made the turn by the water tower, I knew I could finish. The next turn meant once again merging traffic and the adrenaline picked up. The final left back into the park met me with wind coming off what looked like a storm on the lake and I thought "Great!" but I pushed on and made it to the dismount point and went back into the transition area just in time to hear KC's name as she crossed the finish line. I then tried to make my legs work for the run portion. I had already decided I just needed to finish so if I had to walk it, I would. I literally could not make my legs bend for the first 1/3 of it. I walked quickly grabbed the water at the station and dumped most of it over my head. I got to a point where I wouldn't have felt I had really done this if I didn't run so I tried and I ran and walked short distances. I set a goal that I would run the whole paved path back, but I still stopped a few times in there. Once I got closer to the finish I began to run again. I ran past KC cheering me on. Ran around the building, and passed the walker in front of me and crossed the finish line with a red face and a heart pumping fiercely. They cut the chip from my ankle and handed me water and KC met me and we hugged. What an emotional day. I felt so accomplished. I felt extremely blessed. I felt tired and filled with energy at the same time. Kc and I had done it. We had really done it. Wow! We hung around, ate our pasta!?!?! Yes, all I was craving was a burger, you know some major protein and they served us pasta- none the less it was food), got our first timers medals and then headed home. What's next? We both signed up for another one, next month....it's nice to have something to work toward and I guess this is a good habit that I am want to keep up with. Someday I may even thrive in a triathlon, for now I survived it. I guess survival can actually be part of thriving.

Accountable

I feel like accountability is perhaps what is lacking.  When I am given an assignment at work - I wouldn't think of just ignoring it.  I am accountable for delivering.  So - when it is only me that I am accountable to - somehow that is not enough.  I must be a nice person.

As for losing weight:  I need sleep (I have been doing MUCH better on this - aside from the occasional night I just can't sleep), I need to be taking my vitamins (I just started up on that again this week), I need to exercise (I have been doing this as well - small bursts... 20 minute Firm Express as well as running up and down the stairs at work - aiming for 30 flights of stairs a day, hoping to ultimately make it to 50).

I fear I am focusing so much on this ONE aspect... and losing the rest while failing here.  BALANCE...

You must be who I am accountable to... keep me in line....

~K.J.

The Question I Intend to Answer Is...

If I know that a certain way of behaving and thinking does not provide me with a life in which I thrive... and if I know that certain changes would provide me a more full life... why is that change so hard?

I haven't lost weight.

I haven't done much of anything to create the life I want.

I want to publish a book.  I want to work in television.

But I am busy.  Busy existing in this world void of all the blessings I could realize.  And I am not sure why... but in my experiment... in this maze I put myself in... I am the rat.... and I am my own scientist.  Trying to figure out why.  What is the key.  Is it desire?  I think I have desire... Or do I?

So many of us are here... why can't we get out.  We know better.  We want better... or do we?

I am going to answer this... someday.... when I am thriving.

2012 Resolution

Since it is still January, I figure I am good to post my resolution still! 

You should know that my ability to thrive everyday is about as good at my ability to blog everyday!  BUT - I am learning.  I am learning to take ownership of my emotion and my mood and my outcomes.  The following was sent out at work... I would give credit to the writer... but perhaps he doesn't want his name smeared all over the internet... so I will just make it clear it didn't come from me... But I agree with it. :)

"This is the time of year when many people around the world make New Year's resolutions. Perhaps some of yours will deal with how you save and invest your money, pay off debt, lose weight, or even get a promotion. If you make one resolution this year, make it this: take ownership for your life, your job, your results, and your success! That means no excuses on creating the life you want to live. It means working through obstacles to get where you want to be, and it means not forgetting that YOU are responsible for making it happen."

I am responsible...and I am going to OWN IT this year. 

We started a weight loss thing at work three weeks ago.  I have lost 2.2.  I can do better and I will do better!  I am going to create the life I want to live.  I will make it happen!  I miss part of who I used to be and I want to re-capture that.  I want to be more fun and less structured.  I have been trying for too long to keep control.  It is time to enjoy the structure that exists and have some fun along the way.

I'm just sayin'

All the children are on pre-pay phones. 

Not one of them earned money this month to cover the cost of the plan.

All of them currently have phones that are not working.

No one is freaking out.

Will someone please tell me why we have paid this bill for so long if the children obviously don't really CARE about the phone service??

One successful step on the road to "un-entitling" the children. :)

Counseling

For the first time in my life I went to counseling this week.  I discovered two things:

1.  It is normal for women in their mid-thirties to feel like they are losing their minds.

2.  It is normal for someone who has been through a lot to finally get to a good place in life and then fall apart.

So... if I am normal... do I need counseling?

Because I am a loser...

I did the firm Express for one week...

I skipped last week (there was a holiday.... does that buy my an excuse?)

And somehow I have yet to get back on track.

ugh.  I am a loser!  :)

oh! But I went three days with NO candy.  I rock!

Piece by Piece

All the children have been removed from our cell plan and put on their own pre-pay plan.  They don't really get what just happened to them... I am certain of it.  Well... perhaps one or two understand. 

I created a spreadsheet entitled... "Chores For Hire".  I want them to have everything they want in life.   I just want them to learn that they just have to work to have it!

One step closer to ending the entitlement attitude!

:)  Happy Day!

Hmmmm.....

I have been on a bit of a soap box lately... kinda.  One morning last week, I was at my last straw with the kids.  It has been said time and time again that this generation is Entitled.  I am sick of it!  My job is NOT to be at your beck and call whenever you want to go somewhere or do something!

I went to work and my mind reflected on a book I had seen advertised as "coming soon" a few months ago. I hopped on Amazon.com and typed in... The Entitlement Trap  The book I had remembered came up and I decided there was no way I was just going to place an order.  In my own... must have it now kind of way... I wanted to know NOW how to make this stop!  So, I downloaded Kindle for computer and bought the book.  I am HOOKED!!  I highly recommend it.  My husband is still a little shell shocked as I have insisted that we cancel all the kids' cell phones and cease immediately to ever hand over cash or accept "I'll pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today" type metality.  I want to create a family mission statement, laws, economy and immerse the children in service.

Read the book.  Really.  It is changing my view in a big big way!

YEP

2 day since my last post.  Ask me what I have done differently.  No. Don't ask.  You don't want to know the answer.

MY BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

When I lost my job in January, I was energized with the thought that NOW I would be able to exercise and focus on my body.  I was certain the pounds would just fall off of me.  Of course, that didn't happen, in fact I now weigh MORE than I did when I left work.  I am back to working and frustrated by the fact that most of my clothes don't really fit anymore (and NOT because they are too big).  I am sure that is common for many of us... we REALLY think THIS time we are going to lose the weight.  I just can't believe it when I think back at how many times I was certain I was going to lose it - but never did.

I really hope now is my time.  I have learned a few things.  It is not just about how much I eat - it is more about what I eat.  I need to really reduce and work towards eliminating sugar.  I love it... candy, desserts... I love it.  I need to reduce my carb intake and increase my vegetables and protein.  I need a food diary to keep myself honest.

I just bought The Firm Express.  I did the firm workouts years ago - and they were great.  This is much shorter and hopefully still as effective.  I heard about them at 3am a couple days ago when I couldn't sleep.

Speaking of sleep... that is the other huge one on my list.  I think it is a huge factor in weight loss... So, 10:30pm is my goal to be in bed every night.

It's time... really it is.