This is Like the Journal That I "Re-Start" Every Several Months

This blog has been on my mind a lot lately.  It is a project… a project of discovery that I started years ago.  It was meant to be a quest to discovery. I was determined that if I journal the process, I would find the path that leads from surviving to thriving.  However, years have passed and ‘reasons’ I may have once sensed were the obstacles to my thriving have changed.

Perhaps I thought that if I lost 20 pounds, I would be suited to thrive more in my life – but if that was true, than now I need to lose 40.  If I felt it was my job, now I can say that is one significant step in the right direction, but it didn’t ‘fix’ everything.  I no longer feel that the answer lies in eliminating the trials of life.  That is not realistic.  Thriving cannot be simply a life void of trials.  Thriving is a life full of trials wherein we experience joy.

Staying true to some of my original thoughts I do think that sometimes life just hits us hard and that hit may de-rail us and we cannot simply just return to the tracks. It is almost as if new tracks are required and in the process of searching for those new tracks – we get lost off the tracks.

Marriage, children, job and even we may not be perfect but we must find a way to discover a way of life and a pattern of thought within the day-to-day surviving that allows us to thrive.  Today (this is a quest for discovery – we’ll see if my views of today turn out to be valid) I feel that there are two main elements involved in thriving.  1.  Aligning our will with God’s for our life.  2. Setting goals and making strides towards becoming all you can be and all that God wants you to be.

When we find ourselves ‘kicking against the pricks’ we are certainly not headed in a direction of feeling like we are thriving.  And when we press forward in life with a stubborn attitude of thinking we have it all figured out and will take out whomever and whatever is necessary to get what we want, again, it is only common sense that tells me that will not lead to long-term happiness.

I know that God can do great things with us and as I reflect on life and on all He has done with me, I recognize my times of greatest happiness came from times when I was acting on impressions of the Spirit and aligning my life to His will for me.

How does this translate to action:  Well – I don’t think God’s greatest concern for me in life is that I am a size 6.  I do however feel that He wants me to be healthy – as I can do more good for Him when my body is in a condition to do that good.  So, I need to focus my goals to being items that I feel led to accomplish.  I really think that as I put my focus and effort in areas where the Lord would have me, perhaps I’ll wake up one day and find that the joy I feel from being on His path has given me more energy and I’ll naturally become a size 10, then 8 and maybe even someday 6.  But even if I don’t I will have found that size 6 was not the source of joy.

My areas of concern these days are all around being a better wife, mother, servant of God and prioritizing my own personal development.

How do I act on all of that?  Read, study and pray.  Then act on what I feel for each day.

Off to Thrive ~
K.J.

What Is The Purpose?

This blog was supposed to be about HOW to get there.  How to snap out of the phase of life where all I am doing is surviving and get to a point where I am thriving.  It has to be possible.  I have that hope.  It would be a sad state of life if once you were in a survival mode you never left it!  But, the question that remains is HOW.  How do you get there?

This blog may look like a fail... it has been years in the making - but that is also the purpose.  The blog was so I could capture the journey and be able to look back and understand how I got there (once I get there that is).  Because if I can understand it better, than I HOPE to help others find their way.

Here is my new start... my new attempt and making this a reality.  Goals.  Yep.  Had them before and failed at them before.  But, I am tired of saying I am trying.  I am not going to try.  I WILL press forward.  I suppose it takes a different state.  Perhaps a state of desperation?  I don't know.  I have thought I was there before, only to find I wasn't ready to stop trying and just do it.  But I don't know that I understand why that is yet.

Here are my goals... Declared publicly!

#1 - We sold our house and I have some serious work to do.  I want this move to be orderly and not chaos.  So, my first goal is to work consistently at packing to be competed with packing the house by the end of September.  I did three boxes last night.  I have a hundred more to do, but I made progress.

#2 - Weight.  Ugh!  It is so ridiculous.  But today I told myself if I can't make this a reality - how do I expect to reach ANY goals.  This is doable... I just have to WORK HARD!  I want to loose 40lbs by Jan 31, 2015.  I plan to keep a food journal and keep my calories at 1200/day.  And I have the FIRM Express videos.  They are 20 min great workouts.  I have to find 20 minutes.  No excuses.  So - 6 days a week.  3 days a week I will do 2 videos.

#3 Finish My Book. Diary of a Widow.  I am going to work on it one full night a month.  While I am traveling on business.  Perfect opportunity to dig in.

#4 Family Book.  I hate that I am not doing any photo journaling.  So, my goal is to do 2 this year.  One on my mother-in-law's life and one on our family.  Both to be complete by Christmas.  I will spend 2 hours on 2 Sunday's a month.  I hope that is sufficient time to complete.

#5 Career.  I have until mid-December to collect all the information I need to chart a course towards completing my degree.

So - here it is.  Declared publicly.  The question is will you hear from me again anytime soon?  Always the question.  :)

Off to Thrive!

~K.J.

Victory in Thriving

I used to be fun.. and want to be fun again.  So, I must celebrate the progress.

Monday - Labor Day.

We went to a local Ski Resort to take advantage of their Summer Fun.  Ropes courses.  High in the trees.  It was hard. I survived.. and maybe even thrived a little.  :)

We were STARVING when we were done so went to the on-site snack shack.  As we sat eating, Billy Joel's Piano Man came on the radio.  I sang.  (you should know that is not a pretty sound)  Then, I sang louder.  Then, I stood up on the fireplace hearth and did a little karaoke type display.  Very loudly.

I thought the kids would die of embarrassment.  Everyone survived.  And I felt that I had thrived. Even if just for a moment.

I feel like I have been so blessed with a job that is perfect for me.  I really do enjoy it.  Sure there are things that are a little less fun to do - but over all I enjoy what I do... and I think I do it well.

I am almost two years in to blending our family of six kids.  It has it's challenging days - but I love our family.  It works.

I love my husband.  He is a gift. And the only thing that gets in the way of me feeling that is my own pride.

Thriving... is about Gratitude.  That much I have learned.

Surviving a Tri

I am now 40 and I survived a triathlon last weekend, well actually it was a try-a-tri, a beginner's event. It was a bucket list item for me. I asked a friend if she would like to do it with me back in March and since we thought we had plenty of time to get ready, so we went ahead and registered. As you might remember I lost about 40 pounds over the last a year or so and getting healthier has been part of my journey toward thriving. 4 months seemed a perfectly reasonable amount of time to train for this event. Of course getting sick, running children to various activities, work, other obligations, etc. really played a role in derailing my planned daily training but I plugged along. My partner, KC and I rode our bicycles together weekly, got together to swim a couple of times, ran together once or twice, and worked out on our own. She did convince me to do a 5K the week before the event which I ran half of and walked half of. It was a great experience. Harder than I thought, extremely emotional crossing the finish line, and great to prepare me a bit for the next week. KC is a goal oriented girl. She keeps track of her time, creates training schedules for us, and pushes herself. I am still much more of a free spirit. I want to be disciplined but it just is so foreign to me. When push comes to shove and the work out gets tough I give up. I don't have a high drive for success. I am of the philosophy that trying is really winning. So, for the 5K my goal was not to be last. I met my goal. I was about 20 from last. For the triathlon my goal was really just to finish it. I was worried about the swimming. I found that I was not as strong of a swimmer as I thought during this process. The biking was not a worry factor at all. KC and I had ridden the route and found it easier than what we had been riding at home. The run, well it was only a 3K so I knew I would be able to run part and walk part. The scariest part was wondering what it would be like? Would we be completely out of our element. There were over 600 other athletes registered for the various races of the day. The final week before our tri I decided to just add a little to my running each day. The 5K taught me that it was going to be even harder than I had thought. We rode one morning, and I swam at the beach one afternoon. I took the Friday before off from any work out as I waitress Friday nights and that is a workout in itself. I asked to be the first to go home so that I could get a decent night's sleep to prepare for the big day. Well, we were slammed at work. Instead of getting out by 8 as hoped or 9:30 as usual, I got home at 11:30 PM. I was absolutely whipped and my legs just ached. I forced myself to sleep and woke up ahead of my alarm. When I am nervous, I develop tummy issues, so I was up and down from bed to the bathroom for a good half an hour before I actually got up. I was nervous. I had packed all my necessary items in the days before and started to realize that the anticipation I was feeling was very near to being on the way to the hospital to have your 2nd baby. I knew it was going to physically hurt, I knew it would not last forever, and I knew that in the end I would feel great about what had just happened. KC arrived to pick me up by 6:30 and we were on our way to the state park that was hosting the event, just a few miles away. As we approached the park's entrance we couldn't help but notice the steady stream of vehicles pulling in. As we got closer to the parking and staging areas we were overwhelmed. Athletes, real athletes, like with muscles and really good bikes were all around us. We began to panic and feel like real country bumpkin moms with both our lack of experience and mountain bikes (aka fat tires) by our sides. We got out, grabbed our supplies, and pushed our bikes and helmets to the registration area. We got assigned out numbers, picked up our swim caps and decided to stop and check out the swim course. Some of the buoys were already set up and the swim looked much harder than what we had prepared for. We took pictures of each other and went to get our bikes into the transition area. The transition area was incredible. Nice neat rows of bikes, assigned to numbers in each rack. a special section for our fat tire bikes right near the bike out exit. We set up our items, I ran and grabbed my water bottles that I left in the car and KC listened to all of the instructions. Next it was time for the first races to get going. We walked over to the beach to watch the first waves of racers begin. We were swimming a mere 200m in comparison to their 1.5K and 750M swims. It was quite amazing watching the first athletes come running out of the water after their 1.5. I am sure the only way I could have come out of the water in a 1.5 is in a body bag. The 750 might have taken me a few hours with lots of floating and treading water time. :) KC waded in the water to get ready and we took a moment and prayed on the beach. We thanked God for the opportunity for the growth in our friendship, and professed that "we could do all things through Christ who strengthens us". When it was our turn KC's wave was just ahead of mine so I watcher her go in. Next was the 40+ women and we waded in and waited for the horn. The water was shallow so much so that most people ran it. I forced myself to swim part but it was hard as my arms literally reached the bottom. When I got to the end of the course and managed to stumble over all the rocks and shale I was amazed that I actually had the energy to partialy run up the incline to the transition area. I ran to my bike debating on whether I needed to rinse my feet or not. I must have decided yes because I do remember pouring the water bottle out. A quick dry down and threw shirt, shorts, and sneakers on. Buckled my helmet and pushed my bike out to the start. I was off! The bike ride was a fairly easy route, mostly flat with one hill and a couple of long but slight inclines. I was on my own, most of the ride, but there were sections where we were on the same course as the bigger events. Those were really exciting parts as theses cyclist came whipping past on their amazing machines. "On the left" is something I heard often and not just on the merged course. I had a much tougher time than I would have thought. I almost felt like I was stuck in slow motion and I was tired, oh and hot, it was a humid 80+ degree day. I borrowed my daughters sports bottle for the new bottle holder my husband had installed on my bike and never realized til later that there was a straw insert and that is why the water wasn't flowing freely. When I reached halfway I was relieved as I made the turn by the water tower, I knew I could finish. The next turn meant once again merging traffic and the adrenaline picked up. The final left back into the park met me with wind coming off what looked like a storm on the lake and I thought "Great!" but I pushed on and made it to the dismount point and went back into the transition area just in time to hear KC's name as she crossed the finish line. I then tried to make my legs work for the run portion. I had already decided I just needed to finish so if I had to walk it, I would. I literally could not make my legs bend for the first 1/3 of it. I walked quickly grabbed the water at the station and dumped most of it over my head. I got to a point where I wouldn't have felt I had really done this if I didn't run so I tried and I ran and walked short distances. I set a goal that I would run the whole paved path back, but I still stopped a few times in there. Once I got closer to the finish I began to run again. I ran past KC cheering me on. Ran around the building, and passed the walker in front of me and crossed the finish line with a red face and a heart pumping fiercely. They cut the chip from my ankle and handed me water and KC met me and we hugged. What an emotional day. I felt so accomplished. I felt extremely blessed. I felt tired and filled with energy at the same time. Kc and I had done it. We had really done it. Wow! We hung around, ate our pasta!?!?! Yes, all I was craving was a burger, you know some major protein and they served us pasta- none the less it was food), got our first timers medals and then headed home. What's next? We both signed up for another one, next month....it's nice to have something to work toward and I guess this is a good habit that I am want to keep up with. Someday I may even thrive in a triathlon, for now I survived it. I guess survival can actually be part of thriving.

Accountable

I feel like accountability is perhaps what is lacking.  When I am given an assignment at work - I wouldn't think of just ignoring it.  I am accountable for delivering.  So - when it is only me that I am accountable to - somehow that is not enough.  I must be a nice person.

As for losing weight:  I need sleep (I have been doing MUCH better on this - aside from the occasional night I just can't sleep), I need to be taking my vitamins (I just started up on that again this week), I need to exercise (I have been doing this as well - small bursts... 20 minute Firm Express as well as running up and down the stairs at work - aiming for 30 flights of stairs a day, hoping to ultimately make it to 50).

I fear I am focusing so much on this ONE aspect... and losing the rest while failing here.  BALANCE...

You must be who I am accountable to... keep me in line....

~K.J.

The Question I Intend to Answer Is...

If I know that a certain way of behaving and thinking does not provide me with a life in which I thrive... and if I know that certain changes would provide me a more full life... why is that change so hard?

I haven't lost weight.

I haven't done much of anything to create the life I want.

I want to publish a book.  I want to work in television.

But I am busy.  Busy existing in this world void of all the blessings I could realize.  And I am not sure why... but in my experiment... in this maze I put myself in... I am the rat.... and I am my own scientist.  Trying to figure out why.  What is the key.  Is it desire?  I think I have desire... Or do I?

So many of us are here... why can't we get out.  We know better.  We want better... or do we?

I am going to answer this... someday.... when I am thriving.